Fried footwear

Either I inherited my mom’s less than optimal circulation or I developed that condition on my own, but in either case, during half of the year my hands and feet are often cold. In addition, various weathering investment to the contrary, our 104-year-old house with its 29 windows tends to be hot in the summer and cold in the winter. Furthermore, we’ve been running our furnace in the lower range of comfortable this fall, and all those facts combined have led to my choice to wear my wrist warmers when working at my desk.

I’m always looking to improve situations, and it occurred to me that those wrist warmers would be even more effective if I could get them  toasty warm – as in, fresh out of the dryer – right before I put them on. Hmmm. . . while I could heat them in the microwave, it’s down in the kitchen and our office is upstairs. It would be ideal to have a convenient way to periodically reheat them, but how could this be accomplished? We’d obviously need another, smaller microwave up in the office. Not an option.

But pondering this conundrum one day, I suddenly remembered that when we bought our camper, the previous owners had left in it a small microwave. Aha! (Note that I have always thought the idea of camping with a microwave is an oxymoron, but whatever.) We probably wouldn’t be using the camper again over the winter, so I had Andrew bring that little microwave up to the office, where it fits perfectly on the bottom level of our big bookshelf. Voila! Lusciously warm wrist warmers whenever I want them!

But some of us don’t leave well enough alone.

When I get into bed at this time of year, my feet are always cold, and so I will confess here in the presence of all my readers that I do, yea and verily, sleep wearing my favorite (although now beginning to fall apart) fleece-lined slippers. Yes, even with my bed heater on. And yes, I have tried socks, but they just aren’t comfortable for me. I am pragmatic; I do what works, and my slippers work. But wouldn’t it be absolutely delightful to WARM the slippers right before putting them on?!? I just had to give it a try.

For my wrist warmers, a minute and ten seconds is perfect, but the slippers are a bit more massive, so on my trial run one afternoon, I put them in (after carefully examining them and confirming that there’s no metal anywhere on them; we wouldn’t want to start a fire or anything) for a minute and a half, just enough time to run to the bathroom, which I did. And coming back into the office, I smelled something that indicated that Andrew was cooking something downstairs. . . What exactly was it?. . .  Maybe. . . popcorn? But, silly boy, he must’ve burnt it. Yes, he clearly did. Something was obviously burning. I was about to holler down to him some humorous comment about his cooking skills when I turned into the office doorway and saw – and smelled – smoke!

Smoke?!? How could this be? What on earth was on fire in the office? And then the light bulb in my brain came on. My slippers in the microwave! Oh, no! I opened up the micro and smoke poured out. The slippers were definitely toasty warm, but why the smoke? What was going on? The wrist warmers hadn’t gotten burned. What was up? Well, as I examined the slippers, the mystery was solved. No, they don’t have any metal, but each one does have one large, oblong wooden button on the side that hooks two elastic loops together to hold them on your feet, and – surprise, surprise – it seems that wood and microwaves don’t play well together.  = {  With wooden buttons tightly against the elastic loops, the buttons must have gotten so hot that they caught the loops on fire; hence the smoke. Those loops looked like charred string, and the wooden buttons that had been the color of an oak kitchen cabinet were black.

The slippers themselves are fine, although with no closures they do now tend to slide off my feet in the night. There is a residual burning smell each time I use the micro, but that is fading with time. My wrists are toasty and happy, and I – who do truly love to learn – have learned that, like metal, wood should never be placed in a microwave.

Moral of the story: when zapping slippers, proceed with caution, and do not leave microwave unattended.


1 Response to “Fried footwear”

  1. 1 Scott November 28, 2016 at 10:31 am

    You make me smile. When I get home, I will do my best to keep you warm at night. 🙂

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