Attention!

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled travelogue to bring you this late-breaking and vitally important information.

If you like to eat pears, you will wait all summer for them to appear in your grocery.

If they appear in your grocery in the fall, they will be on sale for $1.47/pound ten days before you have a trip planned.

If they are on sale for $1.47/pound ten days before you have a trip planned, you will buy four of them, assuming they will ripen in a few days and you will either get to eat them or take them with you on your trip.

If you buy four of them, they will not even begin to ripen before you leave on your trip.

If they do not ripen before you leave on your trip, they will still be on the counter when you get home.

If they are still on the counter when you get home, they will not have ripened.  Indeed, they will still be so hard that you dare not bite into them, for fear of chipping a tooth.

If they have not ripened in the two weeks since you purchased them, you will choose to leave them on the counter till they do.

If you choose to leave them on the counter till they do, you will never, ever get to eat your sweet juicy pears.

If you never, ever get to eat your sweet juicy pears, you will actually have three options remaining:

1.  throw the pears away

2.  obtain some recipe that calls for rock-hard pears

3.  save the pears to use as lethal weapons if the 2nd amendment is overturned

Moral of the story:  Buying pears that are as hard as baseballs is an effective way to waste money.

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