Sheltered life

I spent so much time (more than two hours) at the cash pay lab trying to get blood drawn that I had to go to the bathroom.  Twice.  The first time was quite odd.  “Mark” told me the bathroom was the second door on the right, so in I went, but something seemed to be wrong.  Evidently, they had just had some repair work done in there, and the workman had left things in such a strange state that I wondered if the toilet would even function properly.

There was a veritable web of gaffers tape wrapped over and under and around the tank and even firmly across the flush handle.  It was that same blue tape stuff that they put on your new windshield right after it’s glued in; the stuff that you’re supposed to leave in place for 24 hours.  Only in this case, it was all over the toilet!  They must’ve had major problems with it.  I was about to turn around and ask “Mark” if it was properly repaired, and if so, if he wanted me to go ahead and remove the tape.  (He was pretty busy and I was just sitting around.)  But before I could go down that mental rabbit trail, I noticed something even stranger.

I have been in a LOT of bathrooms in my day.  In fact, since I take a diuretic twice a day, I jokingly tell the kids that I never pass up a good bathroom.  Some bathrooms are shiny clean and lovely.  Some are not.  Some are old and some are new.  Some are well-stocked and some aren’t.  But until that day last week, they had ALL had two features in common:  a toilet and a sink.  While I stood there looking at all that blue tape on what appeared to be a sparkling clean toilet, it suddenly occurred to me that there was . . . NO SINK in the bathroom.

Now, really, how could you have a bathroom without a sink?!?!  How would I wash my hands?  In our family, from a very young age, the children were taught to “wipe, flush, and wash with soap.”  I was fairly confident I could perform the first two functions (assuming I could get the tape off the flush handle), but what about the third?  How gross is it to not be able to wash your hands in a bathroom?  What kind of a place was this, after all?!?

I proceeded to take care of business and then stepped out into the hallway.  Around the corner, there was a sink, so I did wash my hands – with soap, thank you very much.  I then returned to my seat in the waiting area, and while I sat there reading and listening to “Mark” answer an inordinate number of phone calls, I pondered the sinkless bathroom.  V-E-R-Y-S-L-O-W-L-Y I think I figured it out.

I watched a number of people go in and out of that bathroom, and NONE of them expressed any obvious surprise at the fact that the bathroom lacked a sink and the toilet was sealed up tighter than Fort Knox.  Very strange.  WHY were they not surprised?  Are their bathrooms at home sinkless, as well?

Here’s what I think the deal is:  At AnyLabTestNow, you can have any lab test done now, and this probably includes drug testing.  And the way they do drug testing must be to have you produce a urine sample.  And if you have taken drugs and still want to pass the test, you might be tempted to dilute your offering with water.  Which could be obtained from a sink.  Or a toilet tank.  So there is no sink, and the tank top is well-taped down so that if anybody tries any hanky panky with his pee, “Mark” will know about it.

It was really sad and disappointing to me to realize that such extreme measures must be taken simply because people cannot be trusted to do what’s right.  And since this was my first time in half a century of very frequent bathroom usage to see such a thing, I guess I have just lived a very sheltered life.


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