Can’t fool me, Oscar!

In a perverse twist of engineering design, the same company that so recently blessed us with the turkey lunch meat package that cannot be opened today brought forth its first cousin, the turkey lunch meat package that cannot be closed.

Yes, you read that correctly.  We all know that there are situations in which one simply cannot win, and my post-lunch routine today gives the proof.  First, I remove a couple slices of meat for Scott’s noontime sandwich.  Then I (the college grad, no less) do just what I always do and innocently slide the little red plastic tab to the left before returning the remains to the meat and cheese drawer, BUT fie upon my noble efforts – the package is still open!

I then study the situation and cleverly deduce that perhaps my friend Mr. Mayer thinks he can put (yet another) one over on me.  However, I  – insert sinister cackle here – am wickedly smart enough to see right through his ploy.  Realizing that Sam’s Club has obviously sold me the one package of OM turkey lunch meat in which the slider tab works in reverse, I gleefully slide the tab back to the right with smug satisfaction as I zip the package closed.  And guess what?

It’s still open.

So I run the slider tab back and forth a few times to confirm that, yea and verily, it truly is open to the left and open to the right.  I then shove the remaining meat into a genuine Zip-Loc bag and toss it in the fridge.  I have bigger battles to fight today.

So tell me. . .  do I REALLY have to be an Oscar Mayer weiner for everyone to be in love with me?  I remember that cute little dark-haired boy sitting on the dock and singing  – although he’s probably married with a couple cute little dark-haired boys of his own by now.  Yes, your bologna may have a first name, and your smoked turkey may taste great, but O, Oscar, your packaging is cursed!


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