Feeling kind of dumb (or “Lost in a remote wilderness”)

It was almost 10:15 PM. Everyone was in bed and I was headed that way, but first I needed to go down, take the finished bread out of the machine and lock up. Once down there, I grabbed a snack, and while I stood there munching, it occurred to me that I could watch the weather, the sports, and then maybe a few minutes of M*A*S*H before retiring for the night.

I moseyed into the living room and pressed the power button on the TV. So far, so good. I went to the remote basket and picked up one of the four, selecting it purely because it was the shortest. We only have one TV, so I have never been quite sure why we have four remotes, but I can’t get rid of any of them because I don’t know what any of them do.

I punched the top right button repeatedly until the screen changed from static to AV1 to AV2 to Svideo. That stands for Scott’s Video and it’s the one that lets you watch TV. Only tonight it didn’t. Normally, when you get to Svideo, you wait a moment and KY3 (the local NBC affiliate) comes on. Tonight, the screen just stayed solid white and there was no sound.

I guess I could have pulled out another remote and started punching buttons, but in so doing I may have messed things up badly enough that no one would ever be able to watch TV again. It wasn’t THAT important for me to see M*A*S*H. (By now, the weather was over and sports was probably half gone, as well.)

I pressed the power button for the Dish Network box, and when that didn’t make anything happen, I just stood there, staring stupidly at the blank screen, and thinking, “we pay all this money for Dish Network, and it lets us access something like 100 channels, but I – with a college degree, mind you – can’t even figure out how to turn on my own TV.”

It was a depressing moment. Of course, I could have wakened a child and asked him/her to turn the TV on for me, but I didn’t. I just ate a peanut butter cup and went to bed.

* Mental note for tomorrow: ask a son how to turn on the TV


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