Through the years, Scott and I have developed the habit of sleeping with white noise. It’s very difficult for us to fall asleep if the room is silent. Many years ago, I purchased a noise maker that we usually leave set to “waterfall,” and we fall asleep to that. We take the noise maker with us when we travel and even to electric camp sites. Scott has also taken it to China with him.
There’s some deal with my cell phone that causes really loud static pops to periodically go through the noise maker. This can happen even if my cell phone is not in our bedroom. It took us quite a while to figure this out, but I have now learned that, to avoid being rudely awakened during the night by obnoxious cracklings of the noise maker, I must turn my cell phone off at night. I normally do this right before turning in.
I must now explain the configuration of the “queen office suite” room at TownPlace Suites. You go in the door and there’s a bathroom and then a tiny kitchen on your right. On your left is a closet and then a desk along the wall. Past the desk is a couch which makes out into a double bed. Past the tiny kitchen is a queen bed.
If there were only one or two people in the room, sharing the queen bed, there would be plenty of room to walk around. However, if someone (Josiah) is sleeping in the pulled-out sleeper sofa, it ends up that the foot of that double bed is literally a mere seven inches from the foot of the queen bed. Nothing can be done about this, as the queen bed is firmly against the right wall of the room, and the couch out of which the sleeper sofa has been pulled is firmly against the left wall of the room.
In addition, our boys cannot share a bed. In fact, our boys cannot sleep in the same room, and sometimes we wonder if they can sleep in the same county. Josiah claims that Andrew “breathes intermittently,” and that keeps him awake. Whenever we travel, we always get one hotel room for the four, five, or six of us. . . although when renting a vacation home, we try to get 3 bedrooms – one for Scott and me, one for the girls, and one for Andrew; Josiah typically takes the living room couch, or some place on the floor, including, but not limited to the kitchen and/or the bathroom. When we camp, Josiah sleeps in the van, rather than sharing a tent with Andrew. He feels as deeply about this as anything.
So, Saturday night in Sterling, it was me (later to be joined by Scott) in the queen bed, Josiah on the pull-out bed, and Andrew on the floor (between the desk and the kitchen) on couch cushions. Please note the VERY limited floor space this would have created, bearing in mind that there were also four suitcases (mine being enormous), two backpacks, three computer bags/backpacks, two dirty clothes bags, and a cooler also occupying said floor space.
In order for me to fall asleep, I really needed to turn on the noise maker, but with my cell phone still on, it was a sure thing that the noise maker would “bark” in the middle of the night, thus waking all four of us. I should therefore turn off my cell phone, but it was about 11:30 PM, and Scott was not “home” yet. I did expect him within the next fifteen or twenty minutes, and I was not worried about him, but given that he was very tired and was driving around in the dark in an unfamiliar area, it seemed like it might be a good idea to keep my cell phone on, just in case.
Or, I could just call him and find out where he was, and tell him I was turning my phone off for the night Now, that was a good idea! So I called him and he answered somewhat sleepily.
Me: Where are you?
Scott: I just dropped Katie at the college. I should be home in about 30 minutes.
Me: Well, I was going to turn off my cell phone so we could us the noise maker, but I can just wait till you get back.
Scott: No, no! You should go to sleep! Turn off your phone and turn on the noise maker and get some sleep. One of us ought to, anyway!
Me: Well, okay. But I do have a question. You said you dropped Katie off, right?
Scott: Uh-huh.
Me: So she has her old White car right?
Scott (slowly): No. . .
Me: Well, I’m just curious. How’s she going to get to the restaurant in the morning?
[There was an extended pause in the conversation. Possibly My Hero had not considered this complication.]
Scott: I’ll just have to get up real early and go get her.
Me: Awww. . . I hate for you to have to do that! We have to be at IHOP (15 minutes from the hotel) at 8:30 AM in order to eat and get to church at 10:30 AM.
Scott: I’ll take care of it. You can go to bed. PLEASE go to sleep.
Me: OK. I’m turning off my phone.
Which I did, and I turned on the noise maker, and sometime a little before midnight, I drifted off.
When I am asleep, and generally for the first few minutes after I wake up, I’m kind of groggy and not very clear-headed, so when I heard noises that sounded like someone bumping through the room in the dark, I didn’t fully wake up; I just assumed Scott had come in. I decided it was best to just ignore him and try to keep sleeping. In my semi-conscious state, I did vaguely hear a lot of stuff that sounded like bumping and stumbling and luggage zippers being zipped and unzipped, but I was still pretty comatose. The bed moved and some covers were pulled, and that woke me up a bit. At that point I began to look around in the darkness. I turned over in bed. I tried to get comfortable. I mostly tried to fall back asleep, but that was not happening. I assumed Scott was asleep, so I didn’t talk to him. I just laid there and tried not to think about things (stressful things, emotional things, unknown things) and mostly I TRIED TO FALL ASLEEP!
I didn’t know what time it was, but I knew that in order to get all four of us through the shower and ready to leave, I’d be getting up pretty early. Shoot, in order to go get Katie, Scott would be getting up even earlier. Occasionally, I have trouble sleeping, and when the insomnia cannot be overcome, (assuming it’s no later than 2:00 AM), I take half an Ambien. I knew Sunday was going to be a full day – what with the early breakfast, church, going to PHC to help Katie move out, helping clean the dorm (which could reasonably take until 11:00 PM), and then driving two hours to our vacation home on the Shenandoah River – and I really needed to get some decent sleep. I decided to get up and go find the Ambien.
I knew where the Ambien was. It was in a small Zip-loc in the outer zipper of my Big Red suitcase. I had purposefully left my suitcase on the floor, opposite the desk and adjacent to the kitchen, propped open, so that I could easily grab my clothes and get into the shower first thing Sunday morning. However, on our Thursday night in Columbus (same type of hotel with same floorplan) and on our Friday night (the previous night) there in Sterling, we had had issues with Andrew.
Andrew is an HGTV aficionado. He lives to make spaces beautiful. Even at home, he is FOREVER re-arranging MY areas (which I have carefully organized to work well for me) to make them more aesthetically pleasing. I am not so into aesthetics. I am into FUNCTION, and I get very frustrated when he moves my stuff. I tell him he’s free to move his own stuff as much as he wants, and when her moves out into his own place, he can do whatever he jolly well pleases with EVERYTHING, but until then, he needs to leave my stuff alone.
Anyway, we get to a hotel, we haul in our massive amounts of individual stuff, and some of us position ours so that we can find it when we need it. We then leave the room for some legitimate reason, Andrew re-organizes things, and we later can’t what we’re looking for. This would be bad enough at home, but when one is traveling, needs a certain things, and has to stop and think where and how that thing is packed, one can get really steamed when the entire container the thing should be in has mysteriously disappeared.
In fact, one day, my entire red suitcase evaporated! It turns out that Mr. Interior Decorator determined that it couldn’t sit on the floor of the hotel room. It had to be put away in a closet. Which he did, but he didn’t strap the stuff down before closing the suitcase, so everything shifted and tumbled. What a mess. Ugh.
So, although I knew exactly where I had left the Ambien, I knew that in the dark, in could be difficult to put my hand on that little bottle. Besides that, even if Big Red was still where I had left it, Scott may have closed it and put his own suitcase on top of it. Maybe that was the bumping and shoving and zipper-zipping stuff I had heard some unknown amount of time earlier. I assumed Scott and the boys were asleep, so I didn’t dare turn on a light. It was dark in the room, but I was able to see some vague shapes and forms.
I stepped out of bed (scantily clad, but since all the guys were sleeping, that didn’t really matter) and felt my way along the edge of the bed down to the foot of it, where I would turn left and hopefully bump my foot into the corner of Big Red. At that point, I’d just bend down, feel for the outer zipper, hope Scott’s suitcase wasn’t on top of mine, unzip it, dig out the Ambien, and in fifteen minutes be blessedly sound asleep.
But as I worked my way along the edge of our bed, and as my eyes adjusted better to the darkness, I saw a very odd sight. Josiah, who had been sleeping in the pull-out bed, was now sitting up on the bed, cross-legged, and doing something with a cell phone! In the middle of the night!
Now, long-term readers may remember that Josiah has had a long history of sleep-walking. He’s been known to do any number of odd things in the night. For purposes of this post, we’ll just leave it at that. So I thought to myself, “Oh, great. Josiah’s sitting up in bed, but he’s really asleep.” But what the heck was he doing with a cell phone? And then it hit me. The hair.
All Josiah’s life, he’s had very short hair. There are reasons for this. For one thing, his hair is very wavy, and when it grows out it gets curly and it’s hard to deal with. For another, there was a rather long season during which there were so many other challenges with Josiah that I decided to choose my battles and win decisively. Hair was not worth messing with, so every four to six weeks, I buzzed it. It was care-free hair. No need to comb it or anything. Well, a few months ago, he decided to let it grow out a bit. He looks good with it longer, although there’s been a bit of learning curve on the care and styling thereof. Anyway, we now say that Josiah has long hair, even though it’s still up over his ears and in fact is probably shorter than most men’s hair.
But something was amiss with Jo. As I struggled in my semi-awake state to peer through the darkness at him, I realized that his hair had grown out quite a bit. And it was straight. And down past his . . . shoulders!!! OH, MY GOODNESS!!! What had Scott done now? This long-haired fellow sitting on the pull-out bed was NOT Josiah. And he was awake. And in our hotel room. In the dark. And I was scantily clad.
Scott’s been known to do some pretty crazy things. I could list them here. But, to bring a strange man into our hotel room in the middle of the night?!?!? Without even telling me?!?!? Did he pick up some hitchhiker on his way back to the Sterling from the college?!?!? And even if he did, why didn’t he just give the guy some money, or buy him some food, or go rent him some hotel room of his own? Why bring him into OUR room in the middle of the night?!?!?
I was getting a little angry, and I was waking up a bit more, and I was way more than a little curious. If Scott thought it was safe to bring this strange man into our room in the dark, then I surely had a right find out who the heck he was and why on earth he was there. Stepping carefully into the seven-inch space between the two beds, I leaned over and peered into the man’s face. Slowly and quietly, in a low voice packed with intensity, I asked, “Who. . . ARE. . . you?”
And a soft female voice replied, “Katie.”
I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say. Katie? Why Katie? What was she doing there? My poor addled brain could not process that information, and I began to laugh. I laughed more. I laughed louder. I could not stop laughing. My laughter woke up everyone in the room. Or maybe they had not really been asleep. Soon we were all laughing!
I did dig out the Ambien, and I took it and fell asleep fifteen minutes later.
The next day, I got the whole story.
It turns out it was a very good thing that I called Scott. In all the mass confusion of people, vehicles, and schedules, he had not, in fact considered that the Saturday night transportation plan left Katie stranded at her dorm without a car. After he got off the phone with me, he must’ve called Katie, and they decided that the thing to do was for him to go back to PHC, pick her up (along with whatever stuff she needed for the night, the breakfast, and the church service), and bring her back to the hotel. They assumed I’d be asleep and they didn’t want to disturb me. (Aren’t they nice and considerate?) So they snuck in as quietly as possible, and since Katie is a woman, it was decided that Josiah should give up his “bed” for the lady. Andrew, already having snagged the couch cushions as his “mattress,” Josiah was, I think, relegated to sleeping straight on the carpeted floor, with I don’t know what as a blanket. Or maybe there was a sleeping bag somewhere, for some reason. . . ?
In any case, they packed Katie and her stuff in, so it was us five and no more vying for bathroom time in the morning, but we made it work, and it was refreshingly good to be missing only one kid instead of the customary two we’ve lacked for the past five months.
I’m thinking now that “Who ARE you?” will go down in Team Roberts lore like, “Your bag is over. If you pay I kill you,” and “Not until two tomorrow. It’ll be dark outside. You’ll need a flashlight.”