Funny old stories

Tonight we had a couple of families over for a Memorial Day cookout.  In the spirit of our camping trip earlier this month, it rained, so the cooking was done on the porch, the playing was done throughout the house and yard, and the eating was done in the dining room.

I think a good time was had by all.  The D family with their four children (11, 13, 15, and 19) and the W family with their two children (5 months and 3) plus us and our children (9, 15, 17, and 19) all seemed to hit it off well.  The three moms sat around talking about various parenting experiences because the mom of the youngest two was asking us “old ladies” some questions.

We shared such memories as:

> Jessica being the Director in Perpetuity of all the big kids’ plays and plans when they were young

> One child disrobing its mom while being fed at the net of a volleyball tournament

> The way baby gear has progressed in the past 15-20 years

> The agonizing process of Josiah learning to read

> Katie teaching herself to read and then reading the entire NIV Bible within the next14 months

> Projectile vomiting, nursing Andrew, and goat’s milk

> Scott making Katie do neck-ups on his lunch breaks

There were many laughs.  Good memories.

The new deadline

For some time now, Andrew has been – shall we say – less than diligent to get his chores and academics done in a timely manner.  Of course, this is not a new problem, but it has been becoming more severe as of late.

Food being the primary motivator for our youngest young man, we have had a standing rule since somewhere around the beginning of time that he couldn’t eat lunch until his chores and academics were done.  This works pretty well except on Sundays (when we are gone all morning), Tuesdays and Thursdays (when going without lunch is unacceptable, because he has gymnastics 4:30 – 6:30, and without lunch is too weak to get through his workout), and Wednesdays (when we are gone to piano lessons and/or the grocery most of the morning).

A plan that at best works only 43% of the time is not a good plan, so at my whining urging, Scott decided to make a change.  A radical change.  A change that all the “breakfast is the most important meal of the day” folks may find abhorrent, but a change that has actually worked for two days, and in our family, two in a row is a definite trend!

Andrew now has to finish his academics (not his chores, just his academics) before breakfast.  Yes, that’s right.  Before breakfast.  Now before anyone flies off the handle and calls DFS, please realize that he is  permitted to eat breakfast any time up until 12:30 PM (lunch time), and he is more than welcome to do Tuesday’s academics on Monday afternoon, but he cannot eat breakfast on Tuesday until Tuesday’s academics have been completed.  Of course, Andrew’s academics take probably two hours to  complete, and this morning, after quite a bit of whining, he had them done at 9:00 AM and was eating breakfast only one hour late.  Not too shabby.

I am not sure what we will do on Wednesday, when I absolutely cannot send him to Mrs. W. for his piano lesson on an empty stomach (I like her way too much!), but if we can get this plan working 6/7 of the time, we will have improved the situation by 100%, right?

I’m trying to decide now if I should mention to him – on this lovely, spring Monday afternoon – that he might want to start tomorrow’s academics now, or if I should just keep my mouth shut and listen to it all tomorrow morning.

Hmmm. . . . ?

We have a new driver

And that’s not some program that lets my computer access the printer.

Yes, Josiah has obtained his learner’s permit, and so far, in two days he’s spent an hour-and-a-half chauffeuring us around three counties.  He’s doing quite well and will prove a capable and responsible driver one of these days.  I am now facing my third year of relegation to the passenger seat (there are some distinct similarities to pregnancy), and I think I’m starting to get the hang of this driver’s ed thing.  Basically, I breathe deeply (I told you it was like pregnancy, didn’t I?), grip the door handle firmly, and calmly repeat mantras like, “shoulder. . .  anticipate the curve. . .  left turn signal. . . shoulder. . .  check your mirror – do I get a point for that one?. . .  shoulder. . .  watch that guy on the entrance ramp,” while occasionally throwing in a “SLOW DOWN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!  Did you SEE those brake lights?!?” for variety.

Yes, it could be a long year, but the day I send Josiah to town alone I’ll be 75% of the way toward retirement as a driving instructor, right?

I think what went around has come around.  My dad taught me to drive in our green Dodge Dart on the Northeast High School parking lot.  Before we headed out for a lesson, he always pulled on his “crash helmet” (a favorite golf cap). I thought about getting myself a crash helmet this time around, but decided it would flatten my ‘do, and at my height, I need all the additional altitude I can get.

Been here before

Andrew just defied me – for the umpteenth time.  It had to do with dishes; specifically improperly washed dishes.  Our policy is that if the person emptying the dish drainer finds dishes that aren’t really clean, he sets them on the stove and the person who didn’t wash them right the first time has to re-wash them.

Andrew was doing the lunch clean-up, which means he was putting away the dry dishes from breakfast.  There were a couple of casserole dishes that had been set aside for some minor speck of crud that someone had missed.  Since Andrew had done the supper dishes, and since we only use casserole dishes at supper, in all likelihood Andrew was the guilty party.  However, that could not be proven without consulting the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security.

So Andrew informed no one in particular that he would not be washing those extra dishes.   And I informed him that he would.  And he replied that he wouldn’t.  And I told him he would.  Etc.

I finally told him that I didn’t care WHO had left them dirty; HE was doing the clean up and I wanted it ALL cleaned up.  Period.  And he said, “I’m telling you that I’m NOT going to wash those dishes, and that’s all I’m going to say.”

Now, when I was growing up, a kid simply didn’t talk to an adult that way without getting his block knocked off.  Although I am strongly tempted to knock off his block and a few other items of his anatomy, so far I am resisting the temptation.  Instead, I walked away, because I knew that if I stayed in proximity to him, I would hit him – very, very hard.

When I calm down, I will probably go wash the stupid dishes.  I have been here before.  I think I have worked for pay in about five different jobs in my life, and I have only been fired once.  It was when I was unable to force those I was managing to do what they were supposed to do.  No one will fire me from this parenting job, and resigning is not an option.  However, I GREATLY resent the fact while I DO what an authority tells me to do because I was told to do it, other people don’t.  It is one of the many things about life that is simply not fair.

Proof that I’ve lost my mind = )

Being of partially sound mind and relatively sound body, I have officially given my permission and blessing for both Jessica AND Josiah to go on an AIM mission trip – at the same time.  In early October, they will leave the house and be gone for about five weeks.

What was I thinking?  I will have to go back to being a real homemaker.  I’ll have to do all the ironing, make bread, do a lot of the dishes, vacuum the second floor, sweep the porch and walk, mount the bike rack, keep score at Scott’s ball games, do the sheets and towels laundry, and make Scott’s lunches.  Not only that, I will be home alone with Andrew for many, many days.

Actually, I am very happy for the big kids, and I think they will be able to give a lot and learn a lot that will positively impact the adults they are becoming.  It’s a superb opportunity for each of them to push harder and fly higher to reach their unique potentials.

I’m also looking forward to deepening my relationship with Andrew and getting into some new academics with him.  However, I’m NOT looking forward to being his one-woman entertainment committee.  I will get some breaks while he’s at gymnastics, so that will help me maintain my sanity.

The strangest thing is that after having the kids with us all these years, you’d think I’d be thrilled to have a little time off from fulltime momhood.  Instead, I miss them.  I miss Katie now and I’m already missing Jessica and Josiah in advance!

Judgment and mercy

I’ve been having a very hard time getting Andrew to do his piano work this summer.  Don’t get me wrong; he loves to play the piano.  That’s not the problem.  He just doesn’t want to practice what Mrs. W wants him to practice, and he flat out refuses to do his Music Tree activity book.  Instead, he plays only his favorite tunes over and over and over and over.

Jessica and Andrew have their lessons on Wednesday mornings, and mine are generally every other Wednesday afternoon.  Mrs. W called me after the kids’ lessons to ask me if she could cancel mine.  She was feeling really cruddy and had a terribly sore throat and hoped she could sleep some before her afternoon students arrived (I’m her first).

That was fine with me and (mercifully) gave me some additional time to practice.  Of course I didn’t want her to be sick, but I also want to be ready for my lesson!  While on the phone, I asked her how Andrew’s lesson had gone.  “Fair.”  He hadn’t really prepared for the lesson, so he didn’t get as many “dollars” to spend as Jessica did, and during her lesson, when he was supposed to be doing his theory, he was just staring into space!  She finally told him that if he wouldn’t do his theory work – work that she KNEW he could do – then she’d have to call Mom and have me come to his lessons.  Ugh for both of us.

I wanted her to know that with all the challenges we face in parenting Andrew, I have chosen to let HER be the brick wall he comes up against in piano – instead of me.  I didn’t want her to think I was being a bad mom who didn’t care if her son progressed on the piano.  Far from it!  Mrs. W is fine with that and she’s capable of doing a really admirable brick wall imitation.  She urged me to just leave him alone where piano is concerned and let the chips (or points or “dollars”) fall where they may.  She and I both recognize that he has uncommon piano potential, and we both think it will be good for him to be forced to work hard for someone who is not his parent.

He got judgment and I got mercy.  We’ll see who maximizes his opportunities now.

Empty nest overrated?

Katie’s in Virginia, and this weekend the other three are at an AIM Family Camp.  That leaves just My Hero and me at home, and I must say that although it’s easier to get things done without all the interruptions, it’s much to quiet and odd around here.  We find ourselves with plenty of time and only deskwork to do.  We look at each other and try to figure out what to do next.  It’s so very strange. I didn’t think I’d say it, but I miss the kids.

However, Katie’s ongoing challenge of my Scrabble ability is helping to maintain at least a semblance of normalcy.  Right now, she is ahead, 204 to 182.  It’s her move, and since last night yielded only five non-consecutive hours of sleep, I will turn in.

Somebody remind me to write about Jo-Ann’s wedding this morning.

Nobody told me it would be quite this hard

I think it’s a little like giving birth.  No one can really explain to you exactly how you will feel when your firstborn packs her stuff, cleans out her room, and leaves for college five states away.  The days immediately preceding the big event are full of a combination of excitement, dread, tears, discomfort, and hormones.  The event itself is difficult, scary, and emotional, but once the deed is done, things settle down a bit – and a new season of life begins.

Scott and Katie left Monday morning for the long drive to Patrick Henry College.  It’s definitely a two-day jaunt, and they were able to stay with distant relatives on the way.  Tonight Katie’s settled into her dorm room with her new roommate, a local AIM student(!) and as I type, she’s hopefully sleeping well in her brand-new bedding.

At home, the younger kids and I hugged them, took stupid pictures (why DO we moms feel obligated to take pictures of people crying as they say goodbye?) and watched them drive away.  Jessica, Andrew, and I cried while Josiah looked at us.  Then we hugged each other, prayed, and proceeded to make plum preserves, which may be another post another time.  Suffice it to say that it ended up being a great project to occupy our hands and minds, and we now have 35 half-pints of YUMMY plum preserves in the cabinet.  And, as Josiah reminded us, “We didn’t even plant the trees!”

On that note, this college mom will sign off and sleep.

Thoughts in this final week

Katie leaves for college in less than a week. I have been doing fairly well emotionally, and I think she is okay. Neither of us is the overly emotional type, but this new chapter is surely challenging.

I am wondering if I have effectively communicated to Katie how very much I love her.

I am wondering if there are supplies for college she/we should have purchased but haven’t thought of.

I am wondering if she will have time and inclination to call/write/email.

I am wondering if she wants a lot of contact from home or not.

I am pretty sure we’ve instilled in her the essentials, but I’m wondering what peripherals we may have neglected.

I’m wondering if I will always cry when I go up to the attic.

I’m not wondering if Katie will adjust to her new setting or do well academically or make great new friends.

I’m not wondering if she will be significant and successful.

I’m thanking God for all the time we HAVE been able to spend with Katie.

But I am wondering where the past eighteen years have gone.

I repent

from all the things I said yesterday about Andrew.  Scott and I talked, then Scott and the big kids talked, then Scott and Andrew talked, and plans were devised and implemented.  He has been a delight today.  I am SO thankful!